My Heart is Tattered

The recent events of lives lost, both black and white, is resulting in a chasm between my school friends from Everman, the small town that bumps up against the southern edge of Fort Worth.

While in high school from 1975 - 1979, our school was predominately white, and I'm venturing a guess here, but probably around 25% black. With the exception of organized activities, I don't recall a ton of mixing between the two races, but there certainly wasn't any animosity either.  That all changed in the fall of 1977.

Tensions were running high for reasons that I don't recall and may have spilled over from the prior school year. These tensions finally came to a head in the high school parking lot late one evening following the football and drill team buses return from a game in Burleson. Suddenly, chaos ensued in the dimly lit parking lot.  Small factions of fights in various areas. Then I see several small, black kids attacking Travis Cook, a well-built football player who happened to be white. One of the kids stabbed Travis, barely missing a vital organ. It was my understanding later, that this particular group of kids didn't even attend Everman, though others involved on both sides did attend.

My own encounter that night was with Roderick Henderson. In general, Roderick had a reputation of not to be messed with, though I don't know exactly why. That night as I crossed the parking lot I ran into Roderick and he was carrying a club of some sort, it seems from a tree.

I screamed at him, "Where are you going with that?!?!? Where are you going?!?! Give me that! Give me that now!" Oddly enough he did hand it over, but first saying, "Girl!  You're CRAZY!".  I still laugh at that comment. And I must have been hysterically crazy for him to hand it over to a skinny, freckle-faced girl in a drill team uniform.

Over the next months, tensions continued to simmer, but did not escalate to that point again. My own relationship with my drill team officer, who is black, suffered. She was greatly impacted by what was occurring and the injustices she saw. I can say that was when she, and along with myself, lost our innocence regarding who could be trusted, and who could not, on both sides, within our own little community.

My particular graduation class, the class of '79, seemed to have a peace fall over us, an overall acceptance of one another in our final year. We all did our own thing, everyone got along nicely, we had fun. At our 10 year reunion, and reunions after that, we all mingled, kissed and hugged at seeing each other and partied the night away. But now, we're beginning to lose sight of that acceptance we found in each other and the recognition of each other as distinct individuals.

In today's world, entire classes of people, based solely on the actions of a small faction who happen to have one thing in common with the larger class, are being unfairly judged.  That being Muslim, Christian, Black,White, or even a member of Law Enforcement. The good is in the greater population, but we've allowed the intolerance of these tiny, hateful and harmful minorities to bleed into our consciousness.

I can't imagine what it's like to be black, nor can I imagine what it's like being a police officer. On both sides there's a legitimate and very rational fear of not coming home to your family at the end of the day.

What I do imagine and pray for, that in future EHS reunions, we come together as one again, without suspicion, but instead with compassion for each one of us who grew up together and shared one of life's major moments in just getting through our teenage years.

Now, let's get each other through the upcoming golden years.

The Doctor Called!

Rarely are phone calls from doctors a good thing, but this time it was.  Dr. Katz at Lahey Clinic, motivated by Roger's pain (and my tears) rushed Roger's blood work through to see if there was anything that could be done for his chronic pain which has intensified considerably over the past few months.

Voila!  She called him at 5:00pm and Predesone it is, and so far so good.  After only four days of taking the meds his face looks so much more relaxed than I've seen in so very long, reminding me of how truly handsome he is and what an incredible spirit he has to endure so much.

For the compassion of Dr Katz, I'm so very grateful.

Life Reimagined - One Year Ahead

Question #1:  What will make me happier in the year ahead?

Being productive!  Idleness seems to add to more idleness.

Gaining focus!  My brain can be like a cat on caffeine, bouncing from one thought to another, many times unrelated.  It's amazing how when I think I'm about to put my mind toward a creative task, how many ideas pop into my head that need to "researched".  Many times, these ideas are in no way related to the original project. Ancestry.com, I talking to you!

Question #2:  And how can I start making that happen?
I had to think about this one for a while.  As in overnight.  Otherwise, as I see it, I wouldn't need to address the question in the first place.

I must begin to spend 15 minutes each day writing.  Be it here, or on any of the other 3 blogs, or on any of the fictional projects.  This will address the idleness.

As for staying focused, certainly I can stay focused for 15 minutes.  If not, there's a larger issue.  Bit by bit the goal is to go beyond the 15 minutes, stretching into 30 minutes, into 1 hour. 

Each page, regardless of what is being written, should start off with an outline, however brief it may be.  This will also keep me focused, as potentially anything that needs to be "researched" will be done before I set the 15-minute clock.

I like it!  And I really believe this will work!

Let's Do This!

"Step off the road. Build yourself a brand new path" - Maya Angelou

Stepping off the road is where I find myself these days.

There is considerable trepidation and numerous hesitations.

But on each new road there are new discoveries to be found.

Unconditional Love

To unconditionally love someone is something that just happens.  You don't plan on it and you can't make yourself unconditionally love someone, but you know it when it happens.

Even when your heart is broken and filled with immense sadness, you know deep down, that the depth of your love will never change, it will just take a different shape, a different place inside of you.

A smaller place that won't overwhelm you when dreams of what you thought life would be like try to take root, but in time, these dreams will have a smaller place to haunt, leaving the rest of your spirit whole.

We are what we repeatedly do...

...Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle

I love inspirational quotes.  I feel good when I stumble across one that reaches out to me and pulls at my heart-strings or urges me to think more about worldly affairs, at least for a few seconds.

Then it's back to what I was doing originally, which is what led me to this whisper of inspiration by Aristotle in the first place.  Cruising the web without a real destination.

I begin by visiting my usual haunts, starting with the gossip pages, (TMZ.com - one of these days you're going to get me fired!  Please tone down your site).  If I've putzed around enough and feeling a bit guilty for not working on what I should be, then I go to news.google.com, because that's an intelligent move, right?  Really pinched for validation, then Daily Beast it is.  I always feel smarter for checking out news from across the world.

For a local spin I cruise on over to my local hometown news sites to see where the local drug deals are going down, the domestic disputes, and which public official is once again in hot water.  After that, I tap my fingers on the keyboard, where else can I poke around for absolutely nothing at all.  I know!  Ancestry.com!  Which then leads me to looking up grave sites for long-departed relatives.

So, if indeed we are what we repeatedly do, then I have come to the conclusion that I will not be a writer until I stop being the procrastinator.

Up in the Air

                                                                                                   Up In The Air !

                                                                                Can Remain

                                                              So Much

                                            Is Made,                            

                       a Decision

Even When